If I haven’t mentioned it before, in addition to my skills at spreading melanoma awareness, writing a totally AWESOME blog, and being the best mom and wife these lucky jokers will EVER have, I am also somewhat of a creative, crafty kind of girl. If I had the time to craft and sew as much as I would like, there is no telling where my creative genius would lead me, but until then, I will say I am “decent” at creative tasks.
So when I found out a little less than a year ago that my niece was engaged, I offered to help with the wedding. One of the first things I offered was to make a box for the guests to put their cards and gift cards. I have either offered to do this (or recommended it be done) for the last six years, or ever since I got married. In true “me” fashion, I want others to avoid making the mistakes I made. I did not have one of these boxes and I was robbed at my wedding. Not robbed like “we paid WAY too much for those chewy steaks and the musty smelling suite with the leaky fridge on our wedding night”(though this did happen), but robbed like, someone came in and STOLE cards off my gift table. LONG, long story, one I’ll have to share on another blog. Maybe I will start one when I open my Etsy store and sell all my amazing crafts. Until then, you will have to wait for the details as I dream.
The gift box. It was a Peacock themed wedding.
So this month, I bought all the stuff for her gift box and again, in true “me” fashion, waited until the last minute to buy a dress for the wedding. You see nothing I had fit or flattered me in ANY way. I haven’t liked myself very much lately, not at all going along with the message I am trying to spread as Light Skinned Mother. I spent about 40 trying on dresses that either ( I felt) made me look dumpy, too breasty, 6 months pregnant, or hooker like. The one thing they ALL had in common were that I looked entirely TOO pale in them. The light ones washed me out. The dark ones made me look like I just stepped out of a bottle of Elmer’s glue. I ended up buying the cheapest dress I could find, since I wasn’t crazy about any of them anyway! It did give me a rather plump looking rear view, so not all hope was lost. If I could just be seen from the side all night, no one would notice all my faults.
I left the store feeling defeated. Not just because I have been eating one too many crackers lately (crackers, slices of bread, rolls, dark chocolate), but because pale is beautiful, right? I mean – it IS! I am not just saying that to convince myself. I can name many fair skinned actresses who I think are absolutely gorgeous no matter what color they are wearing. So why can’t I see myself that way? I had to remind myself of my years and years of programming, from the media, from my friends, from my family, from the culture in which I grew up. Hello I was island born and raised. I want to change it all now. I want to love myself, my body, and the skin I am in NOW. Patience is not one of my virtues.
On the ride home, I thought about what I would say if one of my family members or friends were telling me this story, or even one of my readers. Certainly, I would tell them to be easy on themselves. I would also remind them that being hard on yourself for not loving yourself, well that isn’t very self-loving either. Then I would look at them and assure them of how beautiful they truly are. They just have to find what it is that makes them glow from the inside, and no tan or diet can do that.
The funny part about it all, is that the day before the wedding I was informed that I was going to be the “coordinator” and “director.” And let me tell you, it took a former high school teacher to keep this wedding party in line. The biggest trouble maker was Mr. LSM. I was in charge of the rehearsal and of how everything went the day of, from decorating , to last minute make-up artist when the bride’s canceled. So the dress and 4 inch heels I planned to wear when I was just going to be a guest, were replaced with a long, dark purple, flowy, casual dress I already owned and a pair of flip flops (my working shoes) and another pair of 4 inch heels for the hour that I was actually a guest at the wedding (pretty much dinner time).
I forgot how pretty I look in purple, especially when I don’t have a tan.
I am sure it also helped that I was relaxed and just being me, instead of worrying about what everyone else was thinking.
The only picture I took of me ALL night and someone makes me laugh and close my eyes. (Nope, I wasn't tipsy)
I swear, I did look nice at some point, especially when my eyes are open!
Notice how great Mr. LSM looks. Makes me sick. LOL
We are all beautiful. We just have to find our right fit. Most of the time that fit isn’t the perfect dress, heels, or suit. It’s surrounding ourselves with people we love and things we love to do. It’s more about us being ourselves than being who we think we should be. If we can remember that, we will never have to feel anything less than beautiful ever again.
Thank you for reading. Until next time, practice safe sun AND love yourself!