My One Year Blogiversary!

A year ago last night, I wrote my first blog post and officially began to share my life as Light Skinned Mother with the rest of the world. 

It took a little while for me to get the courage to do it. That's surprising since at the time, I would have stood on my rooftoop and shouted my story to the world. The only reason I didn't, was because on my one-street subdivision, I am the only non-spanish speaking Latina and we are the only family that does not pop out to the neighbor's driveway to celebrate every holiday, including Fridays.(That is totally Mr. LSM's fault. With a sitter, I would SO be out there dancing and drinking it up with the best of them. ) So, the neighbors already think I'm weird enough.

I reached out to Chelsea from Adventures with my Enemy Melanoma a few times before starting,and she encouraged me to share my story, even if I never inteded for anyone to read it.  Then one night, I read a post from Timna at Respect the Rays. I sat in my bathroom crying and feeling angry because I identified SO much with her story. That's when I went to my computer, tears still in my eyes, and wrote my first post. 

Within a month, I had made so many new friends through Facebook and my blog. These new friends understood me. They "got" me. So I became more confident in sharing my experiences and my honest feelings, no matter how ugly they may have seemed.

I've ben all over the place emotionally since my diagnosis in June of 2012. Life, as good as it is, continues to put me wherever it wants, and I am learning to appreciate that. 

- At times, I am terrified of being in the sun. Other times, I dare to expose my SPF-covered arms and legs, refusing to let melanoma be in control.

- At times I love how beautiful my pale face is. Other times I hate how white and shiny my legs are, and I am tempted to reach out for some self-tanner.

- At times I try to keep my kids inside as much as possible to protect them. Other times, I do my best not to obsess and allow them to be the children they deserve to be.

- At times I feel guilty for being a big, whiny baby when SO many of my new friends have been to Hell and back while fighting this disease, and I only had to experience a surgery. Other times, I am pissed that I even know what mlanoma is and I cry at the most random moments and places when I am reminded that this beast will always be my enemy, and I am no more special than any of the angels who were taken by this monster. 

These crazy, mixed up feelings remind me that I am still alive. That I am still here to feel, to love, to hate, to be happy, to be sad, to be angry. I am learning to appreciate them and every opportunity I am given to learn more. 

My original goals of changing the world and erasing melanoma as LSM are still there. I just haven't been able to do as much as I would like, because life can get in the way. And I am SO happy for that.  So right now, I am still trying to educate. Still trying to spread the word whenever I can. Though a day doesn't go by when I don't look at my fellow melanoma fighters and am TRULY AMAZED at their efforts to raise money, raise awareness, and make CHANGES in laws and behavior. Sometimes, it can make me feel like what I am doing is not much of anything. But I've realized, we all do what we are good at and what we can. Maybe right now, my constant talking and harping is making a difference. I know for a fact in the last year I have heard from many friends who went to the dermatologist for the first time EVER and from friends who had suspicious moles checked out on their children's skin as well. That, my friends, makes me truly happy.

I thank you all for being a part of my journey. I thank you for your love, your encouragement, your prayers, and your understanding. I couldn't have made it this far without you. I plan on sticking around for a long, long time, and  keeping you all right here with me.

As always, thank you for reading and practice safe sun!

Tanning Come Full Circle

By now, you all know that I've had melanoma, and currently, I have no evidence of disease (Thank you, God), but what you may not know is my history with the sun.  And of course, the history of me NOT loving the skin I was in.

That's me on my first birthday. Check out those funky dining room chairs. Apparently in the 70's all the great portraits were taken of models sitting on the dining room table, or was that just my house? 

As you can see, I wasn't a very tan baby. My heritage can be traced back to Puerto Rico, Cuba, Spain, Ireland, Germany, and the Canary Islands, so I am quite a mix. 50% of me is made of the first three, 50% of the last three.  

These are my siblings. Of the four of us, I was the only one who burned BEFORE  I tanned and when I tanned, it wasn't very dark and didn't last for very long. I also freckled the most of us all. So there were times when I definitely felt like the outcast. 

 My older brother and I (notice he is darker than me, but does have some freckles)

My younger sister (She is MUCH darker..and topless. She was quite the exhibitonist
 in her youth) Check out the boombox I got for my birthday! Child of the 80's.

 My youngest sister.  Again, MUCH darker than me (and much more relaxed). When you're the baby, you can sit back and relax all the time.

 She hasn't changed much since then.

 That's me all the way to the right. Sexy, huh? 

I grew up in Key West, so we did a lot of swimming and fishing and picnicking for the first 10 or so years of my life.  I assume my parents put sunscreen on me at that age, but it wasn't really "big" back then.

As I got older, we didn't go to the beach quite as often, mostly on the 4th of July or 3 day weekends.  My very dark hair, dark eyes, and dark eyebrows seemed to make me appear even more pale in comparison to everyone else I knew, so I decided that tanning would make me much more attractive.  I wasn't a size 0 like all of the other teenage girls, so I did most of my tanning at home on my porch, because I didn't want to go to the beach with everyone else. I would lay outside on a towel with another towel on my face (so I wouldn't get any more freckles) and a fan blowing on me (so I wouldn't pass out from the heat.) Although I did pass out one day. I walked inside from laying out to get a drink and blacked out right in the middle of the living room floor. Scared my parents to death!

At the time I was using sunscreen...SPF 8. Yep. Back then I remember 3 numbers being easily available, SPF 2, SPF 4, and SPF 8.  If I didn't burn, I would have used SPF 2. I always wished I could. I thought it would make me tan SO much better.

While working at home for the summer during college one year, I spent quite a bit of time out on the boat. Believe it or not, I didn't really go out on the boat while growing up down there. But this particular summer, I had a friend with access to one, so i took every advantage! 

This is the first and last picture I will ever post of me in a bikini, lol. Well, that is unless I ever get Gunnar Peterson as my personal trainer. 

This day, I spent the entire day on a float in the water with the sun reflecting off the water onto my skin. Notice the lovely RED line just above the white skin under my bikini.  I am certain I was in pain after that.  My sister saw this pic and reminded me that I poured vinegar all over me after this burn, to take the sting out. By this time I was using an SPF 15, but mixing it with tanning accelerator whenever I had it. I am certain I didn't reapply nearly enough and am sure it wasn't waterproof sunscreen. 

Me, after another day out on the boat.

Then after graduating from college, even though i had always been against tanning salons, I let a friend convince me that they were indeed, safer than tanning in the sun. So over a period of 6 to 8 months in my early 20's, I used tanning beds. It was a quick and easy fix to give me the tan I wanted. I stopped when I noticed I was getting wrinkles around my eyes. Ironic, isn't it? I didn't like the idea of getting old before my time, but never thought about the fact that I was increasing my chances of dying before my time! I started using SPF 30 on my face, daily after that. Also, because shortly after I was put on Retin-A for my acne. You HAVE to wear sunscreen when you use that. Of course, I just put it on in the morning, never reapllying throughout the day. 

Finally, a miraculous thing happened! Self tanners really improved. You no longer had to look like one of Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompas. The new self tanners  actually made you look brown instead of orange. There were, however, a few unfortunate side effects.  There was the "strange" odor and color rubbing off on your clothes. Even still, I preferred to have color and possibly smell weird and stain my clothes, than be pale. Since I was living in an apartment and finally had a pool to lay out by, I had found the perfect combination of weekend tanning and self tanner throughout the week. I was darker than I ever was.  And as a result, I was more confident than I ever was. 

  

My combination of laying out and self tanner

The one thing I didn't do was tan for my wedding. By my late 20's I had finally decided that tanning was going to age me too soon, and it was no longer worth the effort. I stuck to my self tanner and used very little the week of my wedding, because my dress cost way too much money to get stained.  When I did tan, I was putting 30 on my body now. I didn't want to burn or age or get skin cancer.

Five years, two babies, and one new mole on my neck later, I was, pretty much as white as I was in the picture of my first birthday, with the exception of the pigmentation that was showing up from sun damage and hormones. I had come full circle.  All those hours sweating in the heat, all that money spent on self tanners and tanning sessions, all the time wasted trying to be a shade that I wasn't meant to be. Color that wouldn't EVER stay.  All of the damage to my skin trying to make me be "prettier" when in reality, I was causing damage that would some day make me "uglier."  The true sadness of it all is that "pretty" and "ugly" was more important to me than "life" and "death."

The last time I "tanned" was my first and only spray tan 6 months before I was diagnosed with melanoma.  I was the only non African -American in one of my best friend's weddings. She picked out a very PALE pink, which i was certain would wash me out and make me stand out more than the bride, so I got my first spray tan. I have to be honest, I loved it. 

Although, after reading about spray tans lately, I don't think I will be doing it again, for many reasons. One of them being the fact that I want to love myself as I am and I want others to love themselves as they are.  Why should I try to change? Looking back now, I can find many pictures of myself where my paleness was really beautiful.  

No more tans for me..that I promise. I do still have a yearning for some self tanner on occasion, but then that would go against everything I am trying to change for the better. 

I hope this encourages people to love themselves just the way they are. I also hope you share this with younger people, especially young girls. I cannot go back and change my mistakes, but I can help others to not make the same ones.

Thank you for reading. Until next time, practice safe sun!

Hey Girl..Wanna Cuddle Up and Read Light Skinned Mother's Blog with Me?

Surprisingly, there are still some people out there who don’t know about the “Hey Girl” memes.

meme:  an idea, behavior or style that spreads from person to person within a culture. 

Thank you Wikipedia.

If you don’t know, the “Hey girl” memes were created in 2008by Douglas Reinhardt on his Tumblr F#$@ Yeah! Ryan Gosling.

When asked, Why Ryan Gosling and why “Hey Girl”? in an interview on Knowyourmeme, Reinhardt answered:

Ryan Gosling is actually one of my favorite actors and seemed to be an actor that girls were generally attracted to. When the site first started, Xzibit Yo Dawg image macros were very popular on Tumblr. “Hey Girl,” seemed like a romantic, flirty version of “Yo Dawg.” The phrase itself was probably inspired by 90s R&B songs, cold medicine, and my inability to flirt.

The fact that Reinhardt was inspired by 90s R&B songs when coming up with the phrase, Hey girl, could quite possibly, make me  a little sweet on him, too.

I liked the “hey Girl” memes as soon as I saw them. If you are human, attracted to men, and have blood running through your veins, how could you NOT?  These are my recent favorites: 

I adore Ryan Gosling, buying fabric, and babies.  In these 3 photos he is the total package- my DREAM man.  Mr. LSM is still the best, though using these phrases with me wouldn’t hurt any.

 So why not have our “dream boyfriend” tell us that he wants us to take care of our skin and health?  I mean what woman wouldn't pass around these picture for the eye candy alone? If it gets the message out there, even better. 

Here is the first one I made:

I've been having fun creating these and trying to come up with tips while adding a little "naughtiness" to them.  I have to make them memorable, right? I've been posting them on my Light Skinned Mother Facebook page and on Twitter each day this week. Maybe I will take them into next week, who knows? There are LOTS of things to share about protecting yourself from skin cancer and there are LOTS of Ryan Gosling pics to be found.

I do hope they get around. So I encourage you to like my Facebook page or follow me on Twitter and SHARE SHARE SHARE!

As you can see, I am not above using gimmicks or sexy men and women to spread the word and awareness about melanoma. I wish I had this hunk of a man telling me to put on sunscreen when I was a teen. 

Who knows? Maybe one day we will hear Ryan reading some of my memes like he did here.

Watch Here

A girl can dream, right? After all..isn't that what the Hey Girl memes are all about?

As always, thank you for reading! Until next time, practice safe sun!