Again, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I knew the
summer would be busy for me, because well, it’s the busiest time of the year
for an online teacher, but I thought I would be able to post once in a while. Melanoma is
still VERY important to me, but as someone who has only been a warrior for a
year, I had to realize that life is more than melanoma.
In June, I had CT scans of my head, neck, chest, etc. and I waited for the results. I spent 2 hours
in the waiting room at the office of my former surgeon. In that time, I looked
around and starting feeling sorry for myself. Here I was, this youngish woman
with two young kids, sitting there in a waiting room with people who are all
over 70, discussing their experiences and treatments with cancer. Why me? Why
now? The longer I waited, the more nervous I became about my results. Would I
make it a year cancer free? They finally
called me back to the office after the receptionists had all left for the day.
I sat once again in the big patient chair waiting for my results. Frustrated
and sick to my stomach from fear, I checked my Facebook for the 100th
time that afternoon and saw that a former student of mine, a young, kind hearted,
intelligent, father of two very young children and former serviceman had taken
his life the day before. I later found out he was suffering from PTSD. I took
a deep breath. Then my doctor walked in. My scans looked great. I exhaled in
relief, sent a few celebratory texts, and then walked out thinking about my
former student. I wanted to blog about my scan results, the fear that appeared
out of nowhere in the waiting room, how proud I was that I had finally ran
outside while the sun was out, like I used to, but I had other things on my
mind. After all, life is more than melanoma.
In July, I planned to finally take a 12 day vacation from my
job. I didn’t have any travel plans, I just wanted to be able to focus on my
kids, post in my blog, and celebrate the anniversary of being one year cancer
free. On my second day off, my sister-in-law passed away due to emphysema. Her
funeral was held on July 13, exactly one year from the day they removed all
evidence of melanoma from my body. I wanted to celebrate a year free of the
beast. I wanted to write about the changes I’ve been through, about the things
I’ve learned in the last year, about the friends I’ve made. I wanted to write, but
instead I was putting together her obituary for the newspaper and the program
for her funeral. After all, life is
more than melanoma.
At the beginning of August, I made a trip to Indianapolis to
pick up my daughter from her internship. The change in scenery and weather
raised my spirits after a rough few months of work. I could feel myself coming
into the home stretch. Summer would be over. Work would settle back to normal.
Soon there would be Pumpkin Lattes, Pumpkin Loaf, and Pumpkin Patches. I
returned from my three-day trip, ready to give it my all for the rest of the
month so I could “live” again and start a new and improved work schedule. On my
first day back, I got the news that after 5 years of service they were letting
me go due to budget cuts. That same
week, beautiful little Addison passed away. There I was, a teacher who needed a
job a week before the school year started. Again, I wanted to talk to you about
my struggles being out in the sun, my first visit to the beach since my
diagnosis, how horrible I felt about the passing of such a strong, beautiful
angel like Addison, but still, life is
more than melanoma.
Tomorrow is my birthday. Exactly a year ago at this time, I
was truly appreciating the opportunity to grow a year older for the first time
since turning 21. I swore I would start
living. I would start doing all the things I had been talking about doing for
years. But I didn’t. Instead, I spent my days like I have spent most of my days
for the last 5 years. I made sure my kids were fed. I made sure they were
safe. I worked. I wore sunscreen. Those were my priorities and about all I
could write down at the end of most days.
I plan to still be a warrior, an educator, a fighter and
cheerleader in this lifelong battle of ours. But I do need to remember that life
is more than melanoma, a LOT more than melanoma. I haven’t stopped for many of the
good things. Oh, I will stop and reach
out to the girlfriend and mother of my former student to offer my love and
support after he was gone. But how often did I write him to ask him how he was
doing? I will stop to write an obituary
and put together a beautiful program for my sister-in-law. But how many times
did I bother to return her calls when she was alive? I will work and work to make
sure I contribute to my family, but how often did I make time to play with my
kids this year, or read them a book?
Life is more than melanoma. Life is more than (insert your
word here). It’s so much more. Good and bad. I plan on venturing to the other side
of life, the good side. I plan to
celebrate each day, even if for only a moment, being NED. I plan to call my family and friends who I
haven’t spoken to, and talk to them more. I plan to let people know, every
chance I get, how much I love them. How much I enjoy having them in my life.
Even if it just means a quick note on Facebook or a text to say, “Hi. I was
just thinking about you.” I want to live, and I want to do so with as little
regrets as possible. I want to stop for the good things, not just the bad.
I am a year, a month, and 7 days without evidence of
melanoma in my body. Tomorrow, I start another year of this gift God has given
me-my life. Life is more than melanoma.
Life is good.
